Three Words I'll Never Say
by GreenEyedNeko
Summary: He was really longing for her. But this was meant to be just a dream and nothing more and he knew it pretty well. He will never be able to tell her those 3 famous words: "I love you." BreakXAlice oneshot


woot! FINALLY something from Neko-chan!! *is shocked* O_O ehm..First of all I have to apologize to everybody waiting for the second chapter in my BreakAlice fanfic "Feelings". I'll surely continue it but school and video editing kept me pretty occupied lately so to make up for it, I'm uploading a BreakXAlice oneshot. This idea just popped to me last night and when I opened the PC I couldn't stop thinking about it, so I decided to write it down. It takes place after Alice and co. find out about Break's past. So if you didn't watch at least the anime you won't understand this. I hope you enjoy.

PS: I couldn't help but add a bit of GilOz. O_O DAMN YOU, Jasna-chii! this is your fault! *_* (don't worry, she knows who she is XD)

**Disclaimer: **Unfortunately I don't own Pandora Hearts. Jun Mochizuki own everything.

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"_We're friends!_" This little phrase that escaped from Alice's lips earlier, while they were at Duke Barma's mansion together with Gilbert and Oz, was everything Break could think about at the moment. The four were in the carriage, returning back to Pandora's headquarters . Break just concluded the story of his past a while ago and now there was only silence. Everything that could be heard were the rumors of the moving carriage. Everybody was lost in their own thoughts, reflecting about the things they just heard. Or at least Oz, Gil and Alice were. Break had another thing to think about. Earlier, he didn't get blamed by Oz and Gilbert like he expected to and shockingly for him, neither Alice did. If he was sure about one thing at that time was that his relationship with Alice would have gotten from bad to worse after she would have learned about his past. They were never really close to begin with and having Alice distancing herself from him was the last thing Break wanted. "_Why? Why do I care about something like this?" _This was the question Break put himself a million times and everytime he did, the conclusion was the same. Break liked Alice. A lot. In the short and rare times they were together in the same room, he saw her angry, he saw her smile, he saw her sad, he saw her cry and he saw her confused. He liked all her expressions, mostly the one Alice would make everytime he was teasing her. That was the only moment when Break felt she was acknowledging him. He liked everything she did or say, even if it was stupid. She always made him smile from the bottom of his heart. But he knew Alice would never see him the way Break was seeing her, not only because of her low level of knowledge in human feelings but she told that herself too: "_We're friends!"_ Sure, Break was glad that at least she was considering him a friend but deep down, it still hurt.

The carriage suddenly stopped, making Break loose the flow of his thoughts.

"Someone who only lives for himself will never become stronger." Oz finally began talking. "That's what I think, Break. "

Break, Oz, Gilbert and Alice got out of the carriage and only Oz continued speaking.

"Maybe, you used the wrong method but, if you were to ignore those thoughts, back then, to me, that's just hiding from the truth…." Oz was hesitating if he should continue with his speech or not, Break noticed that, but he didn't interrupt him.

"Break…" Oz finally said. "Perhaps you are far weaker than I expected…"

"…" Break was looking at the sky and once again he didn't interrupt Oz when he started hesitating.

"But, I think you must be far stronger than you think you are."

"…." Break was shocked for the second time today. Oz could say pretty wise words when he really meant to. He really was kind, but this really pissed Break off, maybe because that's the thing that caught Alice's attention for Oz. He couldn't say for sure.

"Geez…This really puts a lot of stress on me…"

Oz was dumbfounded of the reply but he soon recovered and showed an apologetically smile.

"Hehe..Sorry…I can't even handle my own problems and I start saying things like these to you…"

Break decided to play along so he replied:

"Haha. You just have to remain this way. If you were perfect I think I would unconsciously kill you. Ho ho…"

A brief pause was made, but it was enough for Break to catch a glimpse of an amused looking Alice, watching him and Oz having one of their daily strange conversations, so he decided to acknowledge Oz's words out loud, just this time.

"You're right though…A person will become stronger if it's for someone. And those things that are true and those things that are supposed to be kept in mind…Those things must be useless for that "someone" and used as an "excuse". Isn't it great to understand this in the first place?"

It was really true, Break maintained himself strong because of the people he cared about: the Sinclairs, Miss Sharon, Sharon's mother, Reim, Gilbert Oz and lastly, Alice. These people were keeping him alive and in change for that he swore to himself that he'll protect them. This was his only path.

Looking at the ground, Break noticed for the first time it was snowing. Oz and Gilbert didn't seem so impressed about it, but Alice kept her eyes glued on the gray sky with her hands raised above her head to catch the falling snowflakes. Break could say she was stunned. Maybe this was the first time she saw snow as long as she could remember. Alice lowered her hands and looked at the snowflakes that were melting in her hands . Her expression changed to a melancholic one. It seemed she was sorry for those frozen drops of water that were rapidly losing their form in her palms. "_She is beautiful._" Break kept thinking that while watching her silently.

"Achoo!" The sound of Oz's sneeze got Break's and everybody's attention on him.

"Oz, we should go inside or you'll catch a fever." Gilbert said, putting a hand on Oz's shoulder.

"Hehe…maybe you're right…" Oz replied smiling and started walking towards the mansion with Gilbert following close behind.

"You two should follow too! It's getting pretty cold out here." Gilbert addressed himself to Alice and Break after he made sure Oz was going to his room and not in other random place.

"oh…ok…" Alice said using a disappointed tone and started walking slowly towards the gate. She surely wanted to play some more with the falling snow, but she wanted to see if Oz was ok too. Anyway, Break didn't ignore this.

" Go on ahead, Gilbert. I see Alice still wants to stay outside for a while. I'll watch her, so don't worry." Alice stopped walking and looked at Break which smiled at her and then at Gilbert and started making signs with his hands to shoo Gilbert away. The last one, didn't move and threw at Break an expression that was clearly asking what the hell he was up to. Catching the message, Break reassured him again.

"It's ok! Now go. Your beloved Oz-kun might need your assistance, now that he may have caught a cold and I'm sure you don't want to leave him while in need…"

Gilbert blushed furiously.

"Break..I-I have no idea where you want to arrive with that! Do what you want!" Gilbert said and closed the door of the mansion behind him, leaving Break and Alice alone. Break was amused.

"Haha! That was by far too easy! This Gilbert…"

"Why did you do this?" Alice suddenly interrupted him.

"Eh? I shouldn't have done it? I noticed you were enjoying playing with the snow. That's why." Break replied with his usual smile that he was always using when he wanted to tease Alice.

"...yeah…" Alice hesitated but she rapidly added "But anyway, that's not the point! I could wonderfully handle it myself! I was about to say that to seaweed head when you, stupid clown, interfered!"

"_Haha---That's Alice, alright. She's putting all the blame on me."_ Break thought. Alice was really worked up, thing that made him laugh.

"I see…"

"Ah! Why are you laughing now, you clown?!" Alice said and Break could have sworn he saw her blush but he ignored the thought, thinking that maybe it was because of the cold weather.

"Haha. I was just thinking that you always judge and scold me because of little things, but you didn't when you found out of my past. This is really funny." The tone Break used was kind and somewhat sad, thing that made Alice look at him dumbfounded.

"….I didn't know you were THAT of a stupid clown…"

"Eh?" Break sweat dropped. He certainly was expecting everything, but not an answer like this.

"What right do I have to judge you? Like Oz said before, that was in the past and now we should care about the present and future." Alice continued, calmly. Break was looking at the ground and didn't say anything. He looked like he was lost in his own thoughts and didn't hear a word Alice was talking about, so she nervously made a little snowball from the little amount of snow that accumulated on the ground and threw it directly in Break's head.

"OY! YOU STUPID CLOWN! LISTEN TO ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!"

Break noticed the snowball too late so he didn't had any time to dodge it and now the top of his head was all covered with snow. Alice was pretty amazed the snowball hit him. She was somewhat proud of herself.

After some moments of just watching each other, Break started laughing loudly. Alice stepped back wondering what happened to the sudden change of mood.

"Haha…You really amaze me, Alice! You do the most unexpected things at the most unexpected times." Said Break, still laughing. That's what he liked about her. That was the Alice he loved.

"..waah!I think I put too much force when I threw that snowball…You completely lost you minds…"

"Thank you." Break interrupted Alice's thoughts.

"Eh? …for what?"

"Just for being here."

Alice started blushing for good now.

"EH? What are you talking about, stupid clown?!Why are you telling me these strange things?!"

"Hehe…" Break put a finger in front of his lips and smirked. "That's a secret!"

He will never tell Alice he loves her, she would never be able to accept his feelings so he preferred to answer like this. But Alice wasn't someone to give up that easily.

"Oh no! You're gonna tell me this time! I hate when you talk in riddles! Tell me or I'm gonna beat you up till you die!"

"Hehe. That's pretty contradictory, Alice. If you kill me you'll never find out." Break replied. " Now! Look at all the snow that accumulated on the ground while we were talking! We can do a little snowman out of this!" Break playfully pointed out.

"Snowman?..." Alice's eyes suddenly started sparkling at the word "snowman" but she shaked her head soon after "No! You won't make me forget about it! Stop messing around! Tell me what you meant before!"

"Look, look, Alice!" Break totally ignored her last affirmation and continued scanning the snow. " If you take this snow from here and you make 3 big snowballs one bigger than the other, you'll manage to at least make a 50 cm. tall snowman! Come, I'll help."

"Really?!" Alice's eyes started sparkling again and she dashed towards the place Break was and started creating the first snowball. She was enjoying herself and besides that she stopped questioning him. Break was proud of himself.

After 10-15 minutes, with the collaboration of Break, Alice added the last missing part to finish the snowman: the nose, made from a little stick she found around. She looked at it and smiled, definitely happy of her art opera.

"Alice…I'm sorry to tell you this, but it's getting pretty cold and the snow falls a lot more heavily than an hour ago so I think we should really get inside now. Also I'm sure you want to see how Oz is feeling." Break said, showing her the door to the mansion.

"Ah! Yes…" Alice agreed and started walking towards the door when it finally hit her and turned around to face Break. "AH! YOU STILL DIDN'T TELL ME WHAT WERE YOU TALKING ABOUT BEFORE! I told you, you can't make me forget it using your dirty tricks!!" Alice pointed her finger to Break who was glaring at her innocently.

"Haha, you're pretty sharp, Alice!" Break said while clapping his hands. "Ok. What about a game?"

"Game? Another one of your dirty tricks?" Alice looked at him, incredulously.

"Trick? Oh no, Alice. The rules are simple. I'll tell you a riddle, if you guess the answer I swear I'll tell you everything about it."

"Really? Ok then." Alice agreed and waited patiently for the riddle.

"Ok. Here I go!" Break said playfully. "Why a raven is like a writing desk?"

"…Eh? "Alice looked at him dumbfounded. "Ummm…I KNOW! Because it can be written on it!"

"..What? I would really like to know how you can write on a raven, Alice." Break was amused, really amused! Looking at Alice's cute face, squishing her brain to find the answer was too funny. He was able to see that and also he knew she would never find the answer to the riddle since he heard it in his era, 50 years ago and supposedly it didn't have an answer. It was just perfect!

"Ok, Alice. Come on inside now." Break started walking with Alice, still thinking, besides him.

"I'll surely find the answer! You won't get away with it, you stupid clown!"

"Haha. I don't doubt it. When you find it, come to me anytime." Break said while opening the door for Alice to get inside. He then looked at her back while she was walking away and found it a pretty sad view. It hurt. He wanted to have her by his side. Always. Like this day, when she allowed him to help her make a snowman. Break wanted Alice to be the first face he sees when he wakes up and the last when he falls asleep. He was really longing for her. But this was meant to be just a dream and nothing more and he knew it pretty well. He will never be able to tell her those 3 famous words. Anyway, Break still felt the need to tell it out loud, so he waited till Alice got farther and whispered: "**I love you, Alice**."

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Tadaaaa! My first finished work and definitely won't be my last. Hope you enjoyed it. ^^ Bye bye for now.*goes away*....*turns back* One last thing! BreakXAlice FTW! -^^- *goes way for good now*


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